just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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