Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
