somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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