so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
