Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
