Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
