Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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