I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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