i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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