It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
