her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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