I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my poor anus
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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