I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
