he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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