I think my vagina is haunted
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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