I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
