Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
