I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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