..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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