I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
