I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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