you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
