Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
