So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
