I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
