he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
