Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
