im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
