Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
