You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
