Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
