You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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