So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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