I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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