i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
