Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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