I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
