That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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