hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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