I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
