I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
