p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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