I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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