"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
