i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
