May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
