she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
