dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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