after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
