oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
