Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
